I'm winning'. Q: Why do Sumo wrestlers shave their legs? I said Love Is All Around Us. He dashes into the players lounge and phones his mother to tell her all about it. "Lad next to me while I was watching a match with Villa playing. He tells them he has no room in the wagon as he is carrying 20, 000 bowling balls but will take a look at the bike for them. Then Bob says, " Cilla , that was wonderful. LOL I wasnt sure what a scouse was to begin with either but you get the general idea pretty quick. Proper made me laugh" - Ricky Jones, "Two women on the 10A bus a few years ago were on about one of the women's daughters' fellas. 100 of the funniest ever jokes and best one-liners. The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Bob! The Reds' summer signing has scored two more goals against Atalanta having previously netted three in his last three matches. "I've got a wagon with 20, 000 Scouse eggs in it - 2 have already hatched and the bastards have managed to nick a motorbike already". Live score, commentary and match stream as Liverpool take on Atalanta in the UEFA Champions League. What should you do if you see a scouse jogging? The wit and wisdom of a national treasure, legend of comedy and Scouse life. Three Liverpool Supporters were in a pub and spotted a United fan at the bar. ", "Apparently so. The scousers put it to the driver that if they can manage to fit in the back will he take them and he agrees. "Hey Manc, I hear your David Beckham is a poof". Here's our original list of some of the funniest things overheard in Liverpool - let us know of any others you've heard in the comments section. Nevermind :(. The other woman realised her mistake and said 'don't you mean Durex?' ', "I nearly fell over laughing" - Mark Davies, "In the Asda I overheard two older ladies '...and I've told him before Sue, you can't Febreeze your undies" - Christina Bishton, "Woman came into the photo shop I was working in and asked do we repair cameras as hers had got wet taken pictures of her granddaughter with the Olympic torch. The barman said " Ive never seen you act so violently before, what did that guy say to you ? " Bet you would not of come down to Anfield and said all that tonight in front of 45000 of us :D! He tells them he has no room in the wagon as he is carrying 20, 000 bowling balls but will take a look at the bike for them. I was walking behind a lad and this girl tried to stop him and in a Scouse accent he goes 'sorry love - I don't speak English'" - Chris Watts, “No lad I can’t come out tonight, I pyar stink of cream. It had two ways of getting into it - one door on the side and one in the front. Best of all so many of these are interchangable, ie: could easily be modified for similar Australian geographical areas :p. It's a dish they eat, usually they are known as Liverpudlians. TimRay: I've heard this story decades ago. After the show, Cilla said, "Bob, if I'm not being too forward, I'd love to have sex with an older man. Q. How do you make a scouser run faster? Love that joke bout the tax disc , absaloute quality mate!! Great thread ;). A scouser was sitting in his local bar having a beer in the afternoon. "I told him Beckham was a poof and he didn't care"! The sign read 'Jesus saves'. What's long, scouse, and goes around corners? Why do pigeons fly upside down over Liverpool? I’ve had like five chocolate eclairs” - Phil Tonge, "Last year me and my mum were talking about her funeral song. Sometimes they’ll include recommendations for other related newsletters or services we offer. Not sure if this is the place for em but i found a couple of goodens. I said to him 'what's up mate?' I was walking behind a lad and this girl tried to stop him and in a Scouse accent he goes 'sorry love - I don't speak English'" - Chris Watts "R hey lad" they say "gissa lift". Three men, a Scouser, a Manc and a Rasta all in the maternity ward waiting for their partners to give birth. Well most people do not realise that Liverpool is hugely stereotyped and is actually one of the nicest places you can live. A friendly trucker stops to see if he can help and the scousers ask him for a lift. The truck driver quietly sat there eating his steak.The leader of the more... Dave works hard at the plant and spends most evenings bowling or playing basketball at the gym. When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. Because God couldn't find three wise men and a virgin. A: So they ain't mistaken fur a Liverpudlian women. Bet you would not of come down to Anfield and said all that tonight in front of 45000 of us :D ! Time is getting on now and he's late for his delivery so he tells the scousers he has to leave. As the gang entered the restraunt, everyone but the truck driver quickly paid thier bills and left. Cheers Izzy. But while I'm sleeping, hold my testicles in your left hand and my penis in your right hand." I am really worried. Trip him up and give the lady's purse back to her. Smilies are the giveaway! city of culture now thats a joke gity of doliets more like! He knocks on ... when I am not in Liverpool I am used to all the scouse jokes. The Americans take their respective seats but all three scousers cram into the toilet and close the door behind them. Sign in to follow this . NBC News releases an election widget for iOS 14 users, Twitter will add labels to misleading U.S. election result claims, Need For Speed Hot Pursuit Remastered Question, Microsoft Edge Dev build 88.0.685.3 has minor new features for Linux and macOS, Spotify now lets some users stream music on Apple Watch even without an iPhone, Pelican Bay State Prison,Crescent City,California. Hardik: Very Nice Stories scouse jokes a primary school teacher explains to her class that she is a liverpool fan. Scouse Eggs Joke: 2 Scousers are riding along the M62 from Manchester to Liverpool on a motorbike. He gets onto his radio and calls for immediate backup from as many officers as possible. she asks her students to raise their hands if they too are liverpool fans. But again, hold my testicles in your left hand, and my penis in your right hand. Why do little scouse girls put fish in their knickers? It's a good story, but is it a joke? Or as I call my brother-in-law "leeching scum" ;). Shop assistant: Certainly Sir, what size head are you? He tries everything he knows but is unable to repair it. Pity there wasn't a good punch line at the end of the call, but funny stuff. "How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" Who should start in goal for Everton against Manchester United? Its the minder to a billionaires nymphomaniac teenage daughter. I have a nice car with alloys attached right now! Man: Can I have a pair of tights for my wife? As others have said some of those are 10/10. His birth certificate should be an apology letter from Dulux'. A little gay guy walked in to the bar, after plucking up some courage he went over to the Scouser and said " What are the chances of a blow job " The scouser punched him on the nose dragged him outside and punched him again before returning to his drink. Q: What do you call a Scouse woman who has had 6 abortions ? She realises she doesn't have enough and shouts down the bus 'anyone gorra pound to lend us?' Why does the River Mersey run through Liverpool? He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket, please". A friendly trucker stops... the joke is just one of many funny jokes on Joke Buddha! The docters goes out to the fathers and he tells them that there has been a mix up with the babies. 50 Edinburgh Fringe one-liners that deserved to win Funniest Joke. "Oh, Christ I wasn't aware of that, thanks". oy how come you say all the jokes let someone else for a change. scouse bastards aint gunna win a thing this year gunna av 2 sack the cleaner only ting left to dust is the photos of the beatles! Half the room went into hysterics including the nursing staff. If you see a Scouser on a bike, why should you never swerve to hit him? ", He sleeps for half an hour,awakens, and they have even better sex. A Batman can go anywhere without Robin. The scousers put it to the driver that if they can manage to fit in the back will he take them and he agrees. The first one said he was going to **** him off. Whether it's daft conversations overheard on the bus, bizarre sights spotted in town or hilarious comments at the match, everyone has their own story of the moments that show off Scousers' sense of humour. Diogo Jota shakes Liverpool foundations and must make Wolves angry, Diogo Jota scores brilliant hat-trick to continue blistering start as Liverpool defeat Atalanta 5-0 in the Champions League, Jordan Pickford, Robin Olsen and Carlo Ancelotti's Everton goalkeeper rotation assessed, In our latest Royal Blue podcast, our panel discussed the potential of Everton to rotate their goalkeeping options over the course of the season following Robin Olsen's strong debut against Newcastle, Man who flicked ex-partner in the face convicted of assault, He flicked her in the eyes and mouth leaving her in "uncomfortable pain", Brother with 'heart of gold' lay down on friend's sofa and never woke up, Popular Terry Dunn, 49, had spent his last hours with his friend before complaining of chest pains and lying down to get some sleep, Drug dealer stopped on M6 with 30kg of cocaine worth over £4m, Thomas Cave, from Speke, had picked up 30kg of the Class A drug on the sout coast, Liverpool infection rate falls again but deaths mount in city hospitals, There is some positive news in the numbers - but the situation in Liverpool's hospitals is serious, Woman in her 60s rushed to hospital after being hit by car, The accident happened just before 1pm when then woman was reportedly hit by a Vauxhall Corsa.
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